Osama's still alive

Date Posted: 06:07:54 02/14/03 Fri
Author: Norrie
Subject: Duty Roster

Memorandum

From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: All Al Quaida Fighters
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours, recently, but we've really
come together as a group and I love that! However, although we're
fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I
have a few concerns:

1) Hygiene: It's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, but we should be
even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid
excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue), so we need to sweep
the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster - have you? I've
posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal
toaster).

2) Videos: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying
to scare the shit out of most of the world's population, okay? That means
that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the
background,or keep doing the 'conga' thing. Thanks.

3) Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote Ossy" on the
front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea triangles were
gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

4) Conduct: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
our-selves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy,
Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy", when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

5) Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**KS DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall,
It's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

6) Chickens: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a grey area.)

7) Vigilance: We've had reports that there are Western soldiers, in
disguise, trying to infiltrate our ranks. So, patrols will be set up to look
for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Finally, I'm sick of seeing 'Osama - Bed Linen' scribbled on my laundry bag.
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore!


Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.